These two people I know are in the process of ruining my life. Taking turns, one by one, casting a shadow on me all the time, always contradicting each other. I really don’t know how I have survived the 40 odd years of my life, despite them. Or, Have I?
God knows what makes them do this to me but somehow or the other they always succeed making me feel like a complete idiot. And guess what, if they were ever on the same side, I would know which side to take. But, as luck would have it, they have always managed to have differing opinions about everything.
Being around these two has its advantages too. I am bright, witty, logical and entertaining. I am generally optimistic and enthusiastic like a child. I enjoy everything, never settling down for one. I am good at expressing myself, have good communication skills, and am versatile and good with my hands, adaptable and clever. The unknown intrigues me. I can do more than one thing at a time. I am a free soul. I perceive life as a game. I have the zeal of a sportsman. The intellect dominates me, constantly interacting with the environment, investigating, learning, knowing and exchanging ideas.
However my association with these two gentlemen in question has made sure I don’t stick to one thing for long. One of them introduces me to something and the moment I get interested, the other person jumps up and says that he has lost interest and that he wants to see or try something else. As a result I have never been able to pursue something with my whole heart. Never going deep into any subject, just skimming the top of it. Courtesy these two, most of the time I am just thinking of what I am missing, or what I am not doing rather than what I am doing at the moment.
The people I know, think, that I am restless and fickle minded. I can’t blame them. I myself think of me that way at times. When I was younger people used to laugh it off saying that I would settle down. But now thanks to these two guys, all aspects of my life are suffering.
As an individual it feels great, but otherwise I feel like a flipped coin most of the time, never knowing which side would show up. I am brilliant and irresistible at times and inconsistent and irrational at the other. My relationships have hardly gone beyond the superficial level. These two are again to be blamed. One of them makes me take a stand, voice an opinion, decide on an option and then the other one forces me to completely change my mind the next instant. To others I come across like a Chameleon, changing colors every instant, selfish and confused. Frankly, people have told me, I am exasperating and that they can never be sure, what I am thinking about.
People say that morality and values don’t have any place in my life and irrespective of how straightforward, honest, courteous, affectionate, generous and thoughtful I am, it’s all put to waste because these two would not let me stick to my convictions. Ultimately it seems to others that I am driven only by one thing that is my self interest, even though that is not the case.
For my own sanity in this social world, one of them has to go. I still have not made up my mind as to which one.
It’s either Castor or Pollux.
Sad part and the tough one too, I don’t think I will be complete without either of them.
I am a Gemini.
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